HAVE YOU EVER had a conversation that left you feeling really good? Of course, you have, but I’m talking about one of those quick exchanges that makes you feel like you’re at a storyboard meeting for a Seinfeld episode. These are spontaneous, rapid fire quips and retorts that build on creativity and whimsy. Here’s what I mean:

Flight Attendant: May I get you something?

Business Class: Something…?

Flight Attendant: To drink.

Business Class: Ah, yes. Do you have a margarita?

Flight Attendant: Sure right here in my pocket.

Business Class: You carry them in your pocket?

Flight Attendant: Isn’t that what pockets are for?

Business Class: Not my pockets, that’s where I keep my sandwiches.

Flight Attendant: You should see my purse.

Business Class: Explosives?

Flight Attendant: Not on the job.

Business Class: What’s your name?

Flight Attendant: Maria Villagra

Business Class: Do you roll the “R”?

Flight Attendant: I can’t roll an R.

Business Class: You should be Smith or something

Flight Attendant: You’d better call me “off”

Business Class: OK, Stroganov. Make it a vodka tonic.

Flight Attendant: Neat or with arsenic?

This nameless business class traveler had never met this fictitious flight attendant, but he seemed to establish a connection. In less than a minute he had a repartee that left them both energized and happy.

In today’s New York Times, I learned that this is called riffing. I didn’t know there was a name for it, but my personal AI platform, Perplexity, tells me, “In slang, to riff means to speak or comment in a fast, energetic, and often improvised way, typically about a particular subject. It can also refer to an energetic, humorous outpouring of words or remarks. The term originated in jazz and rock music, referring to an improvised musical phrase, and has since been applied to verbal improvisation, particularly in comedy.”

Of course, I’d heard about riffing in music, especially jazz, but the slang term in this context was new. Interestingly, riffing has been studied, and researchers think it is especially rewarding, more so than conversation built on usual tired openers such is “How was your weekend?”

The flight attendant and that nameless business class flier certainly had quickly established their own little world, 39,000 feet in the air somewhere over Greenland. It was a kind of “glue” to be sure, because something significant about each other was exchanged in a playful manner. There was no expectation of any continuing relationship. It just happened, and it made each participant happy.

Writers look for opportunities for such exchanges. In a mystery novel I’m working on I tried this:

What was it about last night?

Oh, stop it! Focus on the events of the moment. We have a mystery to solve.

But you were there, weren’t you? In my berth?

We had a lot to drink.

I was lonesome with drink.

Maybe I was too, but let’s not put words to it.

Did you think of your late husband? Is it the ashes?

More the urn, I think. But let’s get back to Barb and Neil.

You were saying they love each other.

It isn’t so crazy that that they would have an adventure.

Why the urn?

What?

The ashes. The urn.

I liked the idea of an urn, and besides he wanted an urn.

Is it difficult to talk about it?

Not as difficult as finding words for last night’s lonesome tryst.

The characters are speaking of meaningful happenings aboard a Turkish sailboat: A murder, a growing love affair, the burial of a late spouse’s remains. But the conversation is playful. Is this inappropriate? Some readers might find it so, but others will understand and appreciate the playful humor, the presence of tease, and the wit of retort.

Is this a rare skill? The researchers say riffing isn’t that difficult:

Riffing doesn’t require being naturally funny or witty, just being attentive and embracing spontaneity. Like any conversational skill, it takes practice. When riffing, speakers resist the urge to counter every observation with their own example, instead building bridges to new ideas.

Nearing the end of his journey, the nameless business class traveler was surprised and very pleased when the flight attendant stopped at his seat to say she had enjoyed the camaraderie. She thanked him, and he her. There was no riffing this time, just the sincerity of eye contact and a feeling of joy. The nameless traveler and the flight attendant were decades apart in age, so neither was “hitting” on the other. There was just the spontaneity — a kind of mental wave sharing. Perhaps it was immediate reassurance of authenticity as other researchers have noted:

When a conversation lacks spontaneity it is often quickly forgotten, but an initial contact that somehow ensures authenticity can be reassuring, energizing, and perhaps lasting. Say the NYT writers Maya Rossignac-Milon and Erica Boothby:

It’s like being a kid again: Children skip the boring “getting to know you” phase and jump straight into pretend play — transforming into dragon-slaying knights or shipwrecked sailors.

Perhaps our nameless traveler and this flight attendant did unconsciously slip into a child-like moment of pretend, and perhaps it’s that spontaneity that left each feeling happy. Whatever the psychology behind it, we know the reward of such exchanges is worthy of a second thought and a moment of gratitude.