IMAGINE A WORKPLACE populated by all varieties of troubled folk. Some have had or maybe even have addictions. Some can explode in sudden anger. Some know no meaningful relationship. Some have criminal records from minor offenses. Some have more worrisome criminal backgrounds. Some are depressed or anxious.

A workplace of such troubled individuals might seem hopelessly fraught. At the same time, such a workplace might offer a lifeline for some of these folks. After all, a job can take one off the street, teach employability, habituate dependability, and make basic skills valuable. Perhaps most important, a job can build a person’s confidence in their capacity to be meaningful and valued. Listen sometime to a person who has unsuccessfully sought rewarding work only to be turned away again and again and you’ll understand how important it is to be employed.

How would one go about extending a helping hand?

I talked to my friend about it. She volunteers a couple of times a month with a businessman who employs high-risk, low-dependability individuals. It’s a non-profit enterprise, supported in part by grants because of the chink it can make in big problems in America, meaning homelessness (“un-housed” is a current euphemism), substance abuse, helplessness and hopelessness.

We see it every day; it’s very hard to avoid seeing it. A trip to the grocery store will generally cross paths with a person and a cardboard sign. Is there something besides a few coins from the glove box that can actually help folks onto a productive pathway?

My friend suggests a small part of the solution is to help people understand how to converse. Her comment struck a respondent chord with me, because sometimes in my writing I digress into thoughts about meaningful conversation. For me, such moments of actual idea and emotional exchange are invaluable. To be sure, even idle conversation is part of what some view as an elixir for loneliness. A recent article in The Washington Post used charts and graphs to demonstrate the growing frequency of loneliness, not just in America but in many countries. Especially with older people, living alone is common. The pandemic is cited in this article as a recent development that exacerbated loneliness. Also mentioned is social media, suggesting it’s a poor substitute for personal involvement with other individuals. One might go further: Social media is like processed food, tasty, only mildly nutritious, and a fast track to serious health issues.

So, how then shall we live more fruitfully? My friend said she likes to talk about listening as part of the fix. She says she has noticed that these people share a common inability to hear what those around them are saying. She surmises, and who can argue, that nurturing children or employees these days too often omits the simple idea of informational and emotional exchange. “Reaction” is the word she used, as if to say that instead of hearing and thinking about what the other person has said, one reacts. It’s not hard to find, for example, articles that examine how common it is for people to put their attention on their response to the other speaker, rather than to hear and process what they’ve actually said. The benefit of quiet listening is to the listener as well as to the speaker. The speaker’s ideas are valued while the listener is informed. Maybe it is cultural in part; everybody wants to be the smartest, the cleverest, the most knowledgeable, the most admired. Go to a restaurant and try to have a quiet meal if you’re questioning the premise. Restaurants are unbearably loud because everyone seems to demand the floor.

As a teaching exercise, my friend encourages these struggling workforce members to take their own conversational temperature frequently. If one notices their blood boiling, take a real or a metaphorical walk around the block rather than shouting a “what-about-this” retort. The psychologist Carl Rogers encouraged practitioners to reflect rather than to react. For example, sometimes a “tell me more about that” or a “help me understand” or a “I hear you saying” is far more helpful than instantly closing off conversation with a brilliant solution. Managers could use the technique when an employee bursts into the office with an urgent “problem” that requires an immediate “answer.” A manager I know insisted that perhaps 80 percent of “problems” need a conversation, not a solution. Interestingly, managers could save themselves from failure by forgoing brilliance and adopting listening techniques. The former fails; the latter succeeds.

All that is well and good, but of higher importance is sincerity. A good listener also must be genuinely curious. That is, a good listener must actually believe in the value to herself when she tactfully says, “tell me more about that.” He or she must believe something can be learned from another person. Other people don’t have to be viewed as a competitor or a threat. American culture might fail in this regard. With emphasis on market dominance, the best team, the correct political outlook, the one true way, and so on we may inadvertently mandate that we dominate, not cooperate.

I’ll be looking forward to talking with my friend again, eager to learn how it’s going with those who haven’t learned how to converse. My guess is she’ll have some important insights, if I listen.

—RJ Stewart