America America
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE has some work to do. I pay for a subscription to Perplexity, an AI platform operated by Anthropic. So I should easily be able to find the news story about the run-away wagon in the July 4 Independence Stampede celebration in Greeley, Colorado, back in the 1970s. Or was it the 1980s? I don’t know; that’s why I need instant access to the archives of the now nearly defunct Greeley Daily Tribune.
Fat chance. Perplexity tells me the story isn’t there and I’m probably all mixed up, which is definitely true but not what I want from my paid subscription. Anyway, I was there. I know. Somebody was hurt! Or was somebody killed? A woman, I think. The wagon was being drawn in the amazing July 4 parade when the horses spooked (two of them, I’m sure it was two horses), and when they bolted, the wagon tongue separated from the wagon and the horses ran into the crowd on the sidewalks enjoying the amazing Greeley Independence Stampede Rodeo, Parade, and Fireworks Display. Because I can’t find positive confirmation of the story as I remember it, I’ll just go with my memory, which isn’t too reliable because I’m old and this was a long time ago in a far-off place.
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Anyway, tragedies like the one I might be making up are not supposed to happen. Especially on America’s annual birthday celebration. On a day such as July Fourth, only good and patriotic things should happen, and generally that’s the way it is. Maybe a blown off finger here and there, but not real tragedies. Those are for other, normal days.
If I can’t verify the facts of my story, I can at least say what follows is “inspired by true events,” a common disclaimer which basically means don’t believe a word of it.
Greeley, Colorado, is practically the inventor of the Fourth of July, at least that’s what the promoters of the Greeley Independence Stampede Rodeo, Fashion Show, Parade and Watermelon Fest would have you believe. Before the Stampede, they’ll have have you know, there wasn’t a Fourth of July worth talking about.
This event is now in maybe its 400th year. It has a rodeo, a charity jogging race, a parade, some singers of Real American Patriot music, giant trucks, and even bull fighters who prove their patriotism by taunting angry bulls. There’s a big stage and loud music and partying until all hours of July Fifth. The show of course has a colorful history, too.
Long ago, there was a runaway wagon that was the headline event of the Greeley Independence Stampede Rodeo, Charitable Jog, Fashion Show and Truck Rally for that year. The horses got spooked by the Rotary Club members who were riding tricycles in the parade, and they ran into the crowd. They bolted — wait not the Rotary Club Tricycle brigade, it was the horses that bolted. I can’t remember what happened to the Rotary Men. I can say they definitely were men because women weren’t allowed in the Rotary Club in those days because men often got nervous around women, especially smart, successful women.
Wait; I’m off track here. Back to the story of the spooked horses.
As I remember it, the horses broke the tongue loose from the wagon, which became a spear that jousted unintentionally with some parade watchers. I don’t think it was funny at the time, because somebody was badly hurt. I think. (I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s a pretty good story, worth retelling.) Despite the tragedy, the Greeley Independence Day Rodeo Parade Truck Show Bull Fighting Fashion Show Watermelon Fest continues even to this day. I even noticed in this morning’s New York Times a photo and short story about the event, proving — without AI — that it still exists.
Another year long ago, a reporter for the now nearly defunct Greeley Daily Tribune was assigned to cover the fireworks show, which is known locally as the BIGGEST AND BEST FIREWORKS SHOW ON EARTH. But the reporter came back to the office to report to his editor that he wouldn’t be writing a story about the BIGGEST AND BEST FIREWORKS SHOW ON EARTH because all the fireworks blew up before the organizers had a chance to set it off. His editor pushed up his green eye shade, lifted an eyebrow, adjusted his sleeve garters, and sent him back out to cover the explosion instead of the fireworks display, and the refocused reporter somehow managed to file a story and keep his job.
Why such events are part of the very serious anniversary of the establishment of a long-running democracy is beyond me. Why not just have everybody bring some watermelon to the city park while an actor dresses up like Benjamin Franklin and reads the Declaration of Independence? Wouldn’t that be an appropriate celebration? Why a rodeo anyway? The Founders weren’t cowboys. Cowboys hadn’t even been invented back in 1776. And why fireworks? Shouldn’t we just chill and reverently thank our Founding Fathers for their rebellious ways?
Okay, I’ll admit people claim to have fun, the fireworks get better with each Chinese technological advancement, and people feel proud to be part of the Great American Experiment. My opinion, which generally is still allowed in our beautiful country, is that it’s all good. I guess it’s fine if people want to watch cowboys and cowgirls at a rodeo, sit in the hot sun and watch the Elks Club guys play kazoos, then go blow some things up, and weep when the country singers sing the latest modern arrangement of “God Bless America”. It’s a special time, for sure.
Footnote: I once was editor and reporter for the Greeley Daily Tribune. On a personal level, I will disclose that I even covered the rodeo from the arena, and I can still remember the hoof mark on my derriere. I was never more proud to be an American.